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The Blades of Light

Started by ~Nightmare~, Mar 30 2012 06:19 AM
The Blades of Light Story

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33 replies to this topic

#1 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:19 AM

This is a story I am making called "The Blades of Light". It is about a young farmer who goes on a long journey to complete his goals in the world called Cube World. He will meet many characters along the way who may or may not be so friendly.

Chapter 1- The Fires of Tragedy
Spoiler

I woke up. I could smell the delicious scent of bacon. I went downstairs to my little kitchen to see my aunt cooking bacon.
My name is Ezra, and I'm 16 years old. I was only a farmer, and not a good one either. I liked to spend most of time reading books about heroes. I sometimes dreamt that I was a hero, but I really doubted that would ever happen, maybe I was wrong.
"Hello Aunt Maria," I said when I arrived in the kitchen. Aunt Maria was probably the nicest lady you'd ever meet. She never got angry, even when I did something stupid, which was pretty much every day.
"Hello Ezra, how did you sleep?" Aunt Maria asked.
"Great, and gosh that bacon smells wonderful! Can I have some now, please?" I asked in excitement. Bacon was rarely on the menu.
"You should finish your chores first, before your uncle gets angry," Aunt Maria said with a smile.
So I went outside and started doing my morning chores. I first milked the cows in our barn. Then, I head out to chop down some trees for firewood. After that was all done, I fed all the sheep, pigs, chickens, and cows. The last thing I had to do was meet Uncle Bob in the field to see if I had any additional chores to do.
"Good morning Uncle Bob, anything special for today?"
"Good morning Ezra, nothing for today, go enjoy that bacon your aunt has made," said Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was pretty cool, even though he was strict sometimes. You just got to get to know him, like I have over the years. He took care of me, and was always there when I needed help. He's was like a father to me.
I never knew my parents. My uncle said they died in an accident when I was really young, but they never told me exactly what happened. I think they're hiding something, something important. I never had the guts to ask though. I was what you would call a "good boy".
I rushed home, not wanted to waste a second to get to my beloved bacon.
"Honey, I'm going to town to trade with some merchants," said Uncle Bob.
"I'll go Uncle Bob, I got nothing else to do," I said excitingly.
"Alright, be careful though and make sure you get the right things," He gave me the list of things to get and I made my way to the our small town.
When I entered the town, I traded with the merchants. I got many goods, and when I was finished I started to go back home. Then, something caught my eye. There was a small blue and green tent, decorated with stars, sitting in the corner of the town. I've heard of old mages that go from town to town, selling old and ancient items. In our town, it's very rare because the town is so small. I couldn't resist, so I went inside the tent.
There was an old man sitting behind a counter. Around him were various items, but one in particular looked special. It was an old book, and I swear when I looked at it, I felt like I had a connection with it. Since I loved reading, I decided to get it. I picked up the scroll and I went to the old man.
"I'd like to buy this, sir,"
"That would be two gold coins," responded the old man.
"But I only have one, please may I have it!" I pleaded.
"Tell you what, you seem really fond of it and I don't need it, you may have it for free," The old man said with a grin.
"Oh thank you, thank you, sir!" I left the tent with a big smile, until I saw my neighbor running down the stone pathway.
"Ezra! Ezra!" yelled my neighbor.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"There was a fire in your house, the whole place burned down! You're aunt and uncle-" I ran home before he could finish.

Chapter 2- The Man with the Blade
Spoiler

The whole house was now ash and scraps. Nothing was left, I couldn't believe my eyes. All the neighbors were standing around, looking sad.
"Uncle Bob! Aunt Maria!" I screamed with tears in my eyes. They could not be dead, not them, they're all I have left.
"Calm down boy, they're gone," one of my neighbors tried to convince me.
"NO!" I pushed him down and I ran towards the ashes of my house.
I looked through the wreckage, while sobbing uncontrollably. My aunt and uncle had to be alive. I did this for about an hour, because I was too stubborn to quit. When I finally did gave up, I fell down to my knees and cried even harder. Someone touched my shoulder.
"Shhh, it's okay Ezra," a woman said calmly.
I couldn't help it anymore, so many emotions were going through my head. I jumped straight up, and ran like no tomorrow to the forest. I've never been to the forest before. My aunt and uncle said there was many monsters in there, but I didn't care. I kept running and running, until my feet couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed under a tree. I've cried myself out, so only little tears came out. I then realized how tired I was, so I decided to go to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of something thumping into the tree above me. I looked up and it took me a second to realize it was an arrow. Where did that come from? I looked forward and I saw a lizardman running towards me with a bow.
I ran in the other direction, but another lizardman popped out of the bushes with a sword. Then two more from my left and right sides. I was trapped by four lizardmen. Two had swords, one had a mace, and the last had a bow. I was sure I was a goner.
Just as the lizardmen started to advance, a large blade materialized in one of the lizardman's stomach. He exploded into tiny cubes all over the place, while the other three lizardmen looked baffled. The large blade was being held by a man. When the lizardmen realized what happened, they charged the man, but he fought like I've never seen before. The three lizardmen were pieces of cubes on the ground in no time. I looked at the man, his hair was brown and so were his eyes, unlike my black hair and gray eyes. Though, he did kind of look like the older version of me.
"Come with me if you want to live," said the man.

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#2 Fritz

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:26 AM

It looks great! Can't wait for the rest! I intend to write a story myself...

 

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#3 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 07:09 AM

It looks great! Can't wait for the rest! I intend to write a story myself...

Thanks and good luck :P
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#4 Zai☆liner

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 09:13 AM

It's nice but I'll make some comments on it

This is a story I am making called "The Blades of Light". It is about a young farmer who goes on a long journey to complete his goals in the world called Cube World. He will meet many characters along the way who may or may not be so friendly.

Chapter 1- The Fires of Tragedy

Spoiler

I woke up. I could smell the delicious scent of bacon. I went downstairs to my little kitchen to see my aunt cooking bacon.
"I" is way being overused, something like this could be used instead: I woke up as the delivious scent of bacon invaded my nostrils...
My name is Ezra, and I'm 16 years old. I was only a farmer, and not a good one either <- I like this. I liked to spend most of time reading books about heroes. I sometimes dreamt that I was a hero, but I really doubted that would ever happen, maybe I was wrong. I is way over used again
"Hello Aunt Maria," I greeted her as I arrived in the kitchen. Aunt Maria is probably the nicest lady you'd ever meet. She never got angry, even when I did something stupid, which was pretty much every day. This sentence is not well constructed. "Eventhough I spent most of my time performing mistakes, she never got angry, and always had a great shining grin.
"Hello Ezra, how did you sleep?" Aunt Maria asked.
"Great, and gosh that bacon smells wonderful! Can I have some now, please?" I asked in excitement. We rarely got to eat bacon. Not very well written "Bacon was rarely on the menu" or something else could replace it
"You should finish your chores first, before your uncle gets angry," Aunt Maria says (said) with a smile.
So I went outside and started doing my morning chores. I first milked the cows in our barn. Then, I head out to chop down some trees for firewood. After that was all done, I fed all the sheep, pigs, chickens, and cows. I then went to meet Uncle Bob in the field to see if I had any additional chores to do. <- Could be done a lot better
"Good morning Uncle Bob, anything special for today?" I asked. (You don't always need to place something like "I asked" behind dialouge when the reader can clearly define the speaker, it makes the whole thing go smoother)
"Good morning Ezra, nothing for today, go enjoy that bacon your aunt has made," said Uncle Bob. Now Uncle Bob is pretty cool, even though he is strict sometimes. You just got to get to know him. He's like a father to me. < I dont like how this is written
I never knew my parents. My uncle says (SAID)they died in an accident when I was really young, but they never told me exactly what happened. I think they're hiding something, something important. I never had the guts to ask though. I'm what you call a "good boy". Again too many Is
I ran home and I ate the delightful bacon with my aunt and uncle. Not well written. "I rushed home, not wanting to waste a second to get to my beloved bacon" Or something
"Honey, I'm going to town to trade with some merchants," said Uncle Bob.
"I'll go Uncle Bob, I got nothing else to do," I said <- Doesn't seem to fit, replace it.
"Alright, be careful though and make sure you get the right things," Uncle Bob replies replied Uncle Bob. He gave me the list of things to get and I made my way to the our small town.
When I entered the town, I traded with the merchants. I got many goods, and when I was finished I started to go back home. Then, something caught my eye. There was a small blue and green tent, decorated with stars, sitting in the corner of the town. I've heard of old mages that go from town to town, selling old and ancient items. In our town, it is very rare because the town is so small. I couldn't resist, so I went in the tent. Is. Is everywhere
There was an old man sitting behind a counter. Around him were various items, but one in particular looked special. It was an old book, and I swear when I looked at it, I felt like I had a connection with it. Since I loved reading, I decided to get it. I picked up the scroll and I went to the old man.
"I'd like to buy this, sir," I said.
"That would be two gold coins," responded the old man.
"But I only have one, please may I have it!" I pleaded.
"Tell you what, you seem really fond of it and I don't need it, you may have it for free," The old man said with a grin.
"Oh thank you, thank you, sir!" I reply. I left the tent with a big smile, until I saw my neighbor running down the stone pathway.
"Ezra! Ezra!" yelled my neighbor.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"There was a fire in your house, the whole place burned down! You're aunt and uncle-" my neighbor started to say. I ran home before he could finish.


Is. Is everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

No seriously it's far too overused.


I'd give this story A 3 out of 10.
I hope to see more of these!

Lsm7Pdc.png

My avatar is my OC: Rose Thorn. Drawn by the talented eShredder.

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#5 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:14 PM

It's nice but I'll make some comments on it
[/center]
I'd give this story A 3 out of 10.
I hope to see more of these!

Yeah, sorry about that. I did most of the first chapter during 1:00 AM, so I didn't proofread it. I fixed most of the things you suggested though :P
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#6 Kazoto

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 09:56 PM

Nice story, what happens next...
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#7 AppleJack

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 02:03 AM

Make more :)
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#8 Specter

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 03:46 AM

Good Story so far!

May I make a suggestion?

Make a cameo in the story :lol:
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#9 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 05:07 AM

Good Story so far!

May I make a suggestion?

Make a cameo in the story :lol:

As in someone important, but is only in the story for a short time? I think that's what a cameo is, but I'm not sure :blink:
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#10 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 05:19 PM

Added chapter 2, The Man with the Blade. :D
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#11 JasonJ100

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Posted 02 April 2012 - 07:13 PM

Dude this is amazing!!!
Do your best on it pls CUZ I WANT MORE!!!!
I love this type of stories !!!
Make it long but update it fast!
Oh and pls dont make a chapter so small.

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#12 Zai☆liner

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Posted 06 April 2012 - 03:16 AM

Chapter 2:
"all the neighbors were standing around, looking said"
^ :huh:

Still not very well written, but I like the plot!
Keep it up.

Lsm7Pdc.png

My avatar is my OC: Rose Thorn. Drawn by the talented eShredder.

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#13 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 05:42 AM

Blahh, sorry for the delay folks. Been busy and I still possibly am. Hopefully more will be added in the future :P
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#14 JasonJ100

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 07:52 PM

I hope you're sorry (lol jk)

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#15 JasonJ100

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 04:26 PM

DUDE WHEN ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE IT THERES BEEN WEEKS NOW!

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#16 Crazywatermelon

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 09:56 PM

I love this story dunno if i already commented but I love it 9/10
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#17 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 04:17 AM

DUDE WHEN ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE IT THERES BEEN WEEKS NOW!

I know, I know, I got a lot of other stuff on my plate. :(
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#18 Archangel Xaelse

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 11:23 PM

Nightmare... isn't the Blades of Light gonna kill you.... afterall your name is nightmare -grabs blade of light- oh this will be fun >:3
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#19 JasonJ100

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 04:03 PM

Lol *grabs another blade*
-LETS GO ARCHANGEL!!!! Nightmare this is punishment for not uploading after 2 months!!!!!!DIE!!!!!

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#20 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 29 April 2012 - 05:36 AM

-Force field- :P

I'll make another chapter somewhere next week.

Edit: I lied

Edited by ~Nightmare~, 01 June 2012 - 02:47 PM.

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#21 JasonJ100

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Posted 13 May 2012 - 03:25 PM

lol kk

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#22 JasonJ100

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Posted 19 May 2012 - 02:10 PM

:( still not uploaded man! sry for being a little annoying but :( post it!

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#23 FDS_Siedgey

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Posted 20 May 2012 - 02:02 AM

AMAZING! really liked it :D
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#24 JasonJ100

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 03:23 PM

You're a lier... I KILL liars! DIE!!!

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#25 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 07:06 AM

Let's just say I'm a HUGE procrastinator...
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#26 Hallow

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Posted 06 July 2012 - 06:07 AM

Hahaha, I love the quote at the end. Keep it up nightmare, your a pretty talented writer.
Can't wait to read chapter 3! :)

bRBkDBW.png

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#27 Zai☆liner

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Posted 07 July 2012 - 02:52 AM

Let's just say I'm a HUGE procrastinator...

But didn't you want to write the fic in the first place?

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#28 Nightmare

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:32 AM

I like it.
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#29 ~Nightmare~

~Nightmare~

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Posted 09 July 2012 - 02:44 AM

But didn't you want to write the fic in the first place?

Yeah I say a lot of things, then start doing it, and then getting lazy... <_<

Though I think I might write Chapter 3 in like... never.

Edited by ~Nightmare~, 22 September 2012 - 05:23 AM.

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#30 mrfox313

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Posted 15 July 2012 - 02:11 AM

epic story bro i give it 20/10
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